How to automatically carbon copy all of your email to George W. Bush

Now that the Senate has decided to grant retroactive immunity to the telecoms (video), it probably won’t be long before the Bush Administration starts routinely tracking your search habits, mining your email, and monitoring your phone calls.  This kind of automated profiling will allow the NSA to determine, among other things, your propensity for terror.  Yes, soon the Bush Administration will be protecting us all from ourselves.

But I say, why wait?! I want the Bush Administration to protect me from myself right now!  Am I a subversive?  Could I be a terrorist?  I need to know!  And I’m sure you do as well.

That’s why I have started automatically carbon copying all of my email to George W. Bush.  Okay, well, technically I’m carbon copying them all to Dick Cheney because it would appear that Cheney reads Bush’s email for him.  But I have every confidence that Mr. Cheney will keep the president abreast of my goings on.

If you’re a Microsoft Outlook user, here’s how you too can automatically carbon copy all of your email to the White House.

  1. In Mail, on the Tools menu, click Rules and Alerts.
  2. On the E-mail Rules tab, click New Rule.
  3. In the Rules Wizard dialog box, under Start from a blank rule, click Check messages after sending, and then click Next.
  4. Click Next.
  5. A confirmation will appear, notifying you that this rule will apply to every message that you send. Click Yes.
  6. Under Step 1: Select action(s), select the Cc the message to people or distribution list check box.
  7. Under Step 2: Edit the rule description (click an underlined value), click people or distribution list.
  8. In the Rule Address dialog box, click a name or distribution list, and then click To. Repeat this step until all names or distribution lists you want to add are included in the To box.
  9. Click OK.
  10. In the Rules Wizard dialog box, click Next.
  11. Click Next.
  12. Under Step 1: Specify a name for this rule, enter a name that you will recognize for this rule.
  13. Click Finish.

That’s it!  Now all of your email will be automatically carbon copied to Dick Cheney at the White House, who will update President George W. Bush, who will work with the NSA to figure out if you are a terrorist or not.  Because, let’s face it, who knows what you’re capable of?  Act now before it’s too late!

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