Father Figure

I found this buried in a drawer over the holidays.  It appears to be from a 1976 edition of the Readers Digest.

Happy Father’s Day!

The following essay, which had evidently been written by a young schoolgirl as a Father’s Day assignment, was found blowing around in the front yard the other day:

The best thing about my father is that he doesn’t use  words like groovy or gross or try to talk like a kid.  When he drives me and some of my friends to a show, he doesn’t tell any jokes.  He just groans a lot and sometimes mutters to himself.  All the kids think it’s funny the way he groans.  Many of them have fathers who tell jokes, which are boring.

When he taught me to throw a baseball like a boy, he didn’t say it was becasue girls throw baseball funny.  All he said was that if I would learn to throw a baseball the way he showed me, he wouldn’t get sick to his stomache watching.

My father says that women can be anything they want these days, judges or scientists or even President.  But he says in all these jobs it’s important to keep your room cleaned and brush your teeth after every meal.  He says it is bad to cheat at games, and points out that when he is playing with us kids, the only times he cheats are when he would lose otherwise.  My father has worked very hard for every dime he has, a fact which he mentions from time to time.

My father has this weird thing about telephones.  He says that were intended to convey a message in two minutes or less, not to giggle over for 45 minutes.  Alther he doesn’ think people should talk on the telephone, he talks to people on the television all the time.  We tell him the people can’t hear him, and he says that’s just a lot of propaanda the TV people put out to stifle dissent.

He always says that he doesn’t want anybody to give him anything expensive for Father’s Day, and he claims that’s the only thing he ever says that anybody around the house pays any attention to.

– Bill Vaughan, NANA

There is no hope for Man


My recent favorites:

Shoe In

Why don’t we all go down to Washington D.C. and throw our shoes at the White House?

Shoes or, creme pies.

Best quote from the Huffington Post comment board:

“Did you see how well he dodged those shoes?? Decades of dodging responsibility sure paid off!”


Button Fly Blues

Why do I purchase clothing without trying things on or, for that matter, bothering to look closely at what I’m actually buying?

A lament in haiku form.

New jeans.  Old habits.
Way too much morning coffee.
“What the..?!” Buttons fly.


Got a note from Japanese Grand Papa (“Jiiji”) in Nagoya.   He and “Baaba” have been obsessed with getting clothes for Layla.  A couple of days ago he apparently spotted a cute little Santa outfit and, without a second thought, whipped out his wallet and snapped it up.

Walking proudly out of the store he noticed that a number of people shopping with dogs in tow.  Looking around he also noticed that the store mannequins were… dog shaped.  He made his way back to the sales counter and asked, tentatively, “This wouldn’t happen to be a dog outfit, would it?”

“Of course” replied the confused sales clerk.

Fortunately Jiiji returned the outfit.

For the fear of taxes…

This whole Obama tax misquote propaganda thing is getting out of hand.

As seen on Facebook:

  1. McCain Supporter changes status to “thinks she better run and buy her new ride today before all her money is taken by taxes after tomorrow”
  2. Obama Supporter changes status to “<Obama Supporter> is wondering if the <McCain Supporter> is making over 250k a year, and if so, can he get a bit of the action. Hook a brother up!”
  3. <McCain Supporter> at 1:24pm November 3
    Apparently you don’t watch the news, you only need to make $120K to get screwed now.
  4. <Obama Supporter> at 2:03pm November 3
    Hmmm… haven’t heard that on the stations I watch. Send me a link.
  5. <McCain Supporter> at 2:09pm November 3
    Bill Richardson stumping for Obama
  6. <Obama Supporter> at 2:20pm November 3
    That clip says if you make <120k, you’ll get a tax cut. It does not say that if you make over it, you’ll get a tax increase, which is what I’m assuming you’re referring to. Are you defining getting screwed as not getting a tax cut, or by having your taxes raised?
  7. <McCain Supporter> at 2:24pm November 3
    It’s only a matter of time.

    Moment of Zen

  8. <Obama Supporter> at 2:26pm November 3
    In 5 billion years, the sun will turn into a Red Giant. After a few million years, it will become a White Dwarf. Then, after tens of billions of years, it will burn out. It’s only a matter of time.

The Obama guy was honest enough to follow the McCain-ite’s bulletproof logic through to it’s natural and inevitable conclusion:  If Barack Obama is elected to the Presidency of the United States of America, the sun will cease to shine. He’ll get your money… AND YOUR SUNLIGHT.

Oy vey.  Go Obama.